Everything feels temporary here. Everything feels temporary and, at the same time, somehow neatly planned. The city's choking me, taking everything that I've had and giving me Spring dust in exchange.

I want real people, not chatting on the phone without ever genuinely meeting or worse, endless conversations via the Internet. I want to see and feel who I'm sharing my thoughts with, I want real people and it is not to be compromised; I need the warmth, the moments in cafés or parks or by the sea.

If I feel something, I want to feel it all, not just any halfway feelings and if tears ensue, I want them to be real ones and I want them to come as an overwhelming stream. If I encounter pain, I want it to be a struggle, not a mere ache and if there's happiness, I want it to be the crushingly amazing.

Until now, all talk of freedom has been talk of if ever and when and sometime soon. In 46 days I'll be officially free. What follows that, is a vast pile of roads to choose. By then I'll have enough money to buy tickets to anywhere I want to, by then I'll have a stronger mind and a stronger body.

After that comes the great unknown. I'm ready to go but I'm beginning slowly.

Tomorrow is such a beautiful word.

I daydream about Paris-Sorbonne whenever the city I'm in tastes like dust and bones. I regret not taking the steps needed to alter this situation, I regret it every morning. No amount of sunshine is going to change that.

Since I last posted anything here I've ended a relationship, almost finished with all of my responsibilities, started cramming for university and started drawing lines on maps to see which way to go in Summer. My dry cider consumption has gone a bit up, and I've made a promise to do something exciting and special each and every weekend from now on, now that I'm free. I'm trying not to fall for the worst things and people there is, this time around.

Right now I'm going through a mental cleanse in the middle of nowhere in Lapland. It does good to try to figure out exactly what you want.

Things are going good (although I'm still looking for someone a bit more special to watch Twin Peaks with).