Home again, maps in front of me, calls to make, jobs to seek, tickets to buy, things to do.

I have a week of lazing around, swimming in a river and drinking too much sugary apple cider behind me; a couple of quite busy weeks ahead of me.

Summer's hasting on and I'm trying to keep my calm.

I'm going to take a time-out from this life of mine, first 500 km away from Helsinki, then switching to a location 120 km away. Feels good to let things go for a week, I'm especially looking forward to the 120 km one: a good road trip and a few laughs.

Running for the thrill of it, I suppose.

Saturday nights were made for kissing to be clever, weekdays for regretting it and avoiding awkward invites for lunch in the city.

Dress-size projects should be changed to stress-size projects, it looks like I'm prone to stress about anything and everything.

I spend money on clothes and things that make me feel like the stereotype of a rich finnish swede boy's girlfriend who spends summers on a huge yacht enjoying life (think white, stripes, healthy hair, tan, fit legs, short skirts, champagne and the sea).

I feel stressed out but quite serene. If I were to quote a very tired and cliché'd line I'd say youth knows no pain.

Everything feels temporary here. Everything feels temporary and, at the same time, somehow neatly planned. The city's choking me, taking everything that I've had and giving me Spring dust in exchange.

I want real people, not chatting on the phone without ever genuinely meeting or worse, endless conversations via the Internet. I want to see and feel who I'm sharing my thoughts with, I want real people and it is not to be compromised; I need the warmth, the moments in cafés or parks or by the sea.

If I feel something, I want to feel it all, not just any halfway feelings and if tears ensue, I want them to be real ones and I want them to come as an overwhelming stream. If I encounter pain, I want it to be a struggle, not a mere ache and if there's happiness, I want it to be the crushingly amazing.

Until now, all talk of freedom has been talk of if ever and when and sometime soon. In 46 days I'll be officially free. What follows that, is a vast pile of roads to choose. By then I'll have enough money to buy tickets to anywhere I want to, by then I'll have a stronger mind and a stronger body.

After that comes the great unknown. I'm ready to go but I'm beginning slowly.

Tomorrow is such a beautiful word.