Eight days until my plane takes off from Helsinki-Vantaa. My last Helsinki-days so far have included cigarettes, cheap clothes, Hämeentie in both directions and a constant need to push some people away while pulling others closer.

I'm hoping Helsinki will bring me enough heartache and misery and overwhelming feelings in the eight days to come so that I won't miss it too much during my time away.

I can't get any sleep so I'm staying awake.

A quick pit-stop home before continuing this trip of mine.

Since leaving Helsinki on Monday afternoon I've realized that I actually don't like Suede very much, that my confusion isn't going nowhere quick, that I'm huge on procrastination and postponing decision-making, that I'm a bit scared of what's to come and that if my face was a bit finer and my body a bit slimmer I'd be a portrait craché of my mother in the beginning of the 80's. Right down to the bright coral bikini tops and distressed denim.

Dis-moi ce que tu penses de ma vie, de mon adolescence, Sébiastien Tellier's been echoing in my head for the whole day.

I'm going to take a time-out from this life of mine, first 500 km away from Helsinki, then switching to a location 120 km away. Feels good to let things go for a week, I'm especially looking forward to the 120 km one: a good road trip and a few laughs.

Running for the thrill of it, I suppose.

Saturday nights were made for kissing to be clever, weekdays for regretting it and avoiding awkward invites for lunch in the city.

Dress-size projects should be changed to stress-size projects, it looks like I'm prone to stress about anything and everything.

I spend money on clothes and things that make me feel like the stereotype of a rich finnish swede boy's girlfriend who spends summers on a huge yacht enjoying life (think white, stripes, healthy hair, tan, fit legs, short skirts, champagne and the sea).

I feel stressed out but quite serene. If I were to quote a very tired and cliché'd line I'd say youth knows no pain.

I daydream about Paris-Sorbonne whenever the city I'm in tastes like dust and bones. I regret not taking the steps needed to alter this situation, I regret it every morning. No amount of sunshine is going to change that.